Over a one-plus year period, Shonda gradually turned her life around, and it all started with resolving to say yes to every opportunity that came her way. This saying yes business came about after her older sister challenged her at Thanksgiving by muttering under her breath “you never say yes to anything” – six magical words that, once heard, couldn’t be forgotten.

It would seem, with all of her success with TV shows like “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Scandal”, that her life was charmed. I wondered, why would she ever need to turn her life around? She had it all, the American dream come to life. She rose from the middle-class suburbs of Chicago to the big-time, to power and affluence. She’s part of the 1%.

say yes

Her story captivated me and brought me right back to an unforgettable dream I had earlier this year. It was about living in my whole house (the house in my dream, I believe, represented my life). The dream pointed out, in very graphic fashion, that I haven’t been living in my whole house. I’ve been living in a few rooms that I’ve decided are safe. I rarely venture out to explore the other rooms, the mysterious ones, and even the beautiful ones I don’t realize exist. Those rooms were categorized as scary at some point and I closed them off.

Shonda, like me and probably millions of others, had slowly closed off areas of her life. This didn’t happen overnight. A conflict here, a disappointment there, a criticism, a disastrous date night – these all nibble away at our self-confidence, eroding a bit here, another bit there. This goes on, year after year, and we shut off parts of our lives in tiny slices to protect ourselves. These individual changes are nearly imperceptable. We start avoiding social engagements that might be uncomfortable or planning ahead for easy early exits. We let deep friendships slide and we allow other friendships that don’t enrich us to continue. We sit on the couch eating or drinking to numb feelings. Ultimately, we’re not living in our whole house anymore, we’re living in those few “safe” rooms we designated.

By forcing herself to say yes, even when every cell of her body was screaming in terror, Shonda transformed her life. She came alive. She claimed her place in her world. The process she went through was spell-binding and inspiring and I’m not going to tell you how she did it. You’ll have to read her book. She’s a good writer; she writes “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Scandal”, don’t forget. It’s a good book. It was so good that I think I’m going to start it all over again at the beginning.

And, just so you know, I took what I learned in that book to heart. Today, I’ve taken a dive out of my comfort zone and done something very scary – I sent out a newsletter. If you’re not signed up on my mailing list, you can take a peek at the newsletter online here.